Tag Archive | life

What would your word be?

I was thinking about LOVE the other day.

mind mapping doodles

Not particularly the love between two partners. Or the love parents have for their children, although both are precious and were involved in it.

I was thinking about it in respect of the work I was doing.

When you work for yourself, and by yourself as most writers do, you’re often looking for help and support wherever you can find it. there are no colleagues or work mates to see each day, bounce ideas off, solve your problems, or give you a morning’s encouragement. So I was looking for that through reading. And I came across this question: What is the word that describes what you want in life and which would drive your decisions?

Someone had quoted ‘freedom’. But that wasn’t my word, I reckoned. So what would my word be?

It took some thinking about before I came to the conclusion that my word would be LOVE.

Love is what fuels our focus, binds us to our important people, drives our purpose and weaves threads of pleasure to hold our day together with something other than work. Whether that’s love for each other, loving to care, love for our homes and our sanctuary in whatever form, love for our lifestyle and  work indirectly as it may seem hard but helps us buy the things we need. Even with the imperfections that there inevitably will surely be, there is still love.

But sometimes it gets buried.

When you’re a parent you get anxious. It’s impossible not to really. When you’re a home educating parent that anxiety can get doubled. Although it shouldn’t be; home educating is no more of a threat to our kids’ well being and education than school is! But going against the groove of convention doesn’t often ignite feelings of confidence, and sometimes we need confidence to love.

The trouble with anxiety is that it can mask love.

So this post is just a reminder to say; remember the LOVE as you parent and home educate.

You had children because of love. Your parent practices evolved because you love your kids. And you home educate because you wanted to do what you thought was right by them.

But don’t let an intensity over education mask the real important gentle love that you need to give time for. Do things some days just for love. See what transpires.

I know that there were days I got too intense and messed up because I lost touch with the important love.

So I thought I’d just bring that to the forefront of your thinking.

Have a lovely day!

And do let me know what your word would be!

Treat a bad day like passing wind!

Waiting for the climate to change!

Being the best parent you can be (see last post) is exhausting. You’re bound to get a bad day. A day when you probably wish you weren’t a parent at all and had another job!

We all get them whatever job we’re doing. Whether it’s parenting, home educating, employment out the home, self employment, what ever path you’re forging you’re bound to get a day that’s totally crap. It’s a life thing – not a job thing.

It’s odd though; when you’re an employee you tend to blame the job. When you’re a parent, particularly a home schooling parent, you tend to blame yourself. And that makes a crap day a whole lot crappier!

So this is a post just to say: DON’T BLAME YOURSELF.

We all love our kids to bits and love being with them – of course we do. (I’m assuming you wouldn’t be the kind of person bothering to read this if you didn’t) But that’s not going to mean that we won’t get down about life occasionally. It’s just what happens, whatever we do, and is as natural a part of the human condition as passing wind! And – yes – everyone passes wind even those who pretend otherwise. Equally, everyone will suffer a bad day even if they pretend they’re perfect.

But that doesn’t make us bad parents or bad home educators. It’s just the way it is sometimes. So don’t beat yourself up over it. The best way to help yourselves is to ACCEPT it. It’s just life. And nurture yourself through this bit just as you would nurture a friend.

If you viewed your parenting, or home educating role, like you’d view employment, you’d accept there’s bound to be bad days when you’re giving less than you’d like. If you were employed you might even throw a sickie!

Can’t do that as a parent – but you can go easy on yourself for a day till it passes. Also remember there are teachers, nursery workers, assistants, helpers, who will be working through a bad day without giving their best either. It’s just normal having a bad day from time to time. Doesn’t make you a bad person, just because you can’t give your best today.

Make a cuppa. Sit it out. Accept it gracefully. Wait for the climate of your day to change. You’re just human. Deal with it with the compassion and gentleness that makes you humane.

This will show your children the skills to deal with bad days whenever they get them too, and help them understand bad days are part of life and not to worry – the climate always changes – bad wind always passes! So even on a bad day you’ll be teaching them something through your parenting! Take comfort from that. And if you’re suffering one right now, may your climate soon change!

A way to renew this Easter

One of the beautiful things about life with young children – as well as the children themselves, of course – is their awe and delight in

Take a moment with the kids to appreciate the little things like droplets on a feather

the simplest of little things. A ladybird on the pavement. A tree for climbing. A hole in the undergrowth just right for crawling into. A wall for walking along. The feel of mud through fingers. The splashy noise of puddles.

It’s such a magic time and parents get the joy of sharing these things – if you take the time, that is.

Are you missing it?

A way of not missing it is to slow down and look at the little things as if they were new to you too. Indulge in the delight of really looking – like kids do. Of looking through the lens of their eyes, seeing things as if for the first time. What better way to spend the weekend?

Easter is traditionally a time of regrowth and rebirth. Maybe you could do your own bit of rebirthing and learn from your kids – learn from the little people who are usually learning from you. We’re never too grown up to change. Learn how to see with a different view – their view – their delight.

So how about, whatever the weather, leaving the phones and tablets behind, getting out in a green space somewhere, and observing the world with renewed eyes, attitude and time frame?

Take time to replenish yourself by going at their pace, change your momentum and the way you race by all the tiny wonders around without really seeing, without really feeling the awe. Slow down. Look closely. Absorb yourself. It’s quite a meditative practice – just what we need sometimes!

And renewing yourself will help you be the best parent you can be – one that’s never to busy to enjoy the little things with the kids. They’ll remember you for that!

Happy Easter!

Blues and spirals

The only snag with going away and having a fab time is the blues that hit you afterwards. After a super time with my daughter last week the isolation of a writer’s life seems suddenly unappealing!

I was having an utterly downward spiraling day yesterday. Writing can get you like that sometimes.

Then I read the reviews of my latest book on Amazon.

I rarely look at them. Mostly I don’t feel strong enough. There are things said on occasion that you have to brace yourself for as a writer. And even though you don’t expect everyone to like your work or agree with what you’re saying, it does take some weathering when you’re attacked. Home education is a contentious subject anyway and we’ve all been gored by remarks from those who are less than kind.

But WOW! Those reviews of ‘A Home Education Notebook to Encourage and Inspiremade me spiral in a different direction. Upwards!

THANK YOU!

If you’re the author of one of those reviews thank you SO much. I am deeply grateful for you taking the time to leave such inspiring messages. You are succour to the writer’s soul and the inspiration needed to keep going.

However, apart from making me feel better – for which I’m truly grateful – you are also helping so many others. Did you know that?

Many people don’t realise this but reviews have an impact on a book’s reach. Obviously, if it’s a good review, it’s going to encourage others to read it. But much more valuable than that is the fact that the more reviews there are the more the book gets noticed. And the more that happens the more likely it is that the people who need it find it.

We become so immersed in our home educating world we forget sometimes that others don’t even know it’s an option, let alone a workable one. And I think about those parents who are struggling with an unhappy child in school, wishing they could do something different, suddenly finding a book which suggests they can! Your reviews help that to happen. That’s what you do by taking the time to post on Amazon, Goodreads, wherever.

So if you’ve read any of my books – remembering there’s one just for mums too – please click the review button on the Amazon page and post a review, doesn’t matter how short, and you may help others trapped in an unhappy cycle of school, or lack of support, or just looking for a bit of help.

And once again, a heartfelt thank you to all those who already have.

What big deal was that?

 Occasionally I ask the girls, now in their mid twenties, if home education ever comes into the conversation or the equation of their life these days. It seemed such a big deal at the time and I often wonder if it still has any significance beyond their childhoods. Although it was no big deal to them; just the way it was.

Charley has been applying for different jobs recently having moved to a new location and a new life with her partner. So it was an opportunity for it to come up as she went to interviews.

“If people ask”, she told me, “it’s usually with genuine interest. I’ve never had any negatives”.

And as for Chelsea she says it all seems so far away now so it only ever comes up socially like the other day in the pub. A newly qualified young teacher was talking to her about her new job with disillusionment about all she was expected to do to kids which to her didn’t seem ethical in some respects, let alone valuable. Chelsea directed her to me!

Sometimes, she says, with her reaching the age of contemporaries having families and wondering about home education, it comes up and Chelsea is cited as as an example of the way a home educated youngster turns out – as in being not weird, or unable to mix, hiding under mother’s skirts, or unable to speak to people. Having friends. As this is what people seem to fear the most when it is new and raw and they’re doubting dreadfully, worrying whether they’ll still have any kind of relationships after home educating.

Quit worrying! They do! We do!

I’m going for a holiday with her next week – we love to be together – she has friends and a life and is very busy with it. But she’s got a little space between performances and their next Fringe production. I’m going to fill it, and we’re taking a little break together.

But I wanted you to know that their home educating past has paled into insignificance compared to the adult lives and relationships that they – and more importantly we – have now of deepest love, trust and respect.

And that big deal – that massive all-consuming deal you’re living right now with your kids – will probably mature into the same! And you’ll all be saying; ‘What big deal was that’?

 

Using nature to talk about mortality with kids

I wonder how the little Guillemot is? 

I think it was a guillemot anyway. It was standing forlornly at the edge of the water so still I thought it was an upstanding stone when I first caught sight of it in the distance. But as I walked nearer I realised it was a little bird. It was bedraggled and saturated and appeared to be shivering.

I guessed it had probably got exhausted and waterlogged. But had managed to come ashore with the tide.

What to do?

Leave it to recover in calm and solitude, or take it somewhere? The stress of being captured can often create further injury or cause them to die of shock anyway.

It was always a dilemma when we found exhausted or injured wild things. They rarely survived as a result of our attentions but the children always wanted to take them home and cosset and cuddle them back to health as we did them! None of which does wild things any good usually but it’s very hard to explain that to a child.

Nestlings were the worst. The children were adamant that they could save them with human ministrations, not understanding that most of them wouldn’t make it – human comforts are rarely what they need.

Living in the country animal fatalities were regularly witnessed. Another corpse in the tideline or a remnant of a fox’s meal, as well as farming, were opportunities for study and discussion and also conversations about the natural course of life.

These events, and the passing of pets, are a good opportunity to talk to kids about these difficult issues – although not difficult really if you make them a natural part of examining life.

More difficult when they’re not talked about and come as a terrible shock.

Mortality is usually conveniently hidden away like a taboo. But it is far better that it is confronted honestly, that children understand about the cycle of life, that we are sad and bereft for some time after losing someone or something, and that this passes, new aspects of life flood in and make us feel better and we survive and move forward.

Children are very matter-of-fact. They deal far better with honest answers than with cover ups. They see through those. They can only trust us if they know we’re honest. That way they’ll believe us when we say that we can recover from grief and loss, rather than thinking this is just another grown up lie.

The loss of pets or things in the wild and natural world provide good opportunities for us to talk about both the living and the passing of life, not in a morbid way. But in a matter-of-fact way with the children. And we shouldn’t shy away from it.

Had little children been with me when I saw the guillemot they would no doubt have wanted to do something about it. But I thought it best to leave it to find itself somewhere quiet to recover as it looked reasonable robust. After I’d had a good look at it – a rare treat to be so close.

But it popped into my mind occasionally throughout the day as I wondered about its fate.

Little girls no more

20161107_145832 I’m spending the next few days with these lovelies; the little girls from ‘A Funny Kind of Education’ although they’re not so little any more.

I asked if I could have a picture of them for the blog whilst we were together, as they live and work independently now and readers often ask how they ‘turned out’ having read the story.

I’m sure ‘turned out’ meant educationally, but as you can see, they look quite okay too, as well as being intelligent, competent, functioning and independent. Some folks ask in a way that suggests they’re expecting to see something different to ‘okay’, since they didn’t go to school – two heads or something equally weird!

But no; here they are, all grown up and gorgeous; what more can I say? Except that no doubt yours will be the same one day.

Hard to imagine but inevitable. Enjoy your days with them while you have them, whilst I pop off and enjoy mine!