Tag Archive | family life

Treat a bad day like passing wind!

Waiting for the climate to change!

Being the best parent you can be (see last post) is exhausting. You’re bound to get a bad day. A day when you probably wish you weren’t a parent at all and had another job!

We all get them whatever job we’re doing. Whether it’s parenting, home educating, employment out the home, self employment, what ever path you’re forging you’re bound to get a day that’s totally crap. It’s a life thing – not a job thing.

It’s odd though; when you’re an employee you tend to blame the job. When you’re a parent, particularly a home schooling parent, you tend to blame yourself. And that makes a crap day a whole lot crappier!

So this is a post just to say: DON’T BLAME YOURSELF.

We all love our kids to bits and love being with them – of course we do. (I’m assuming you wouldn’t be the kind of person bothering to read this if you didn’t) But that’s not going to mean that we won’t get down about life occasionally. It’s just what happens, whatever we do, and is as natural a part of the human condition as passing wind! And – yes – everyone passes wind even those who pretend otherwise. Equally, everyone will suffer a bad day even if they pretend they’re perfect.

But that doesn’t make us bad parents or bad home educators. It’s just the way it is sometimes. So don’t beat yourself up over it. The best way to help yourselves is to ACCEPT it. It’s just life. And nurture yourself through this bit just as you would nurture a friend.

If you viewed your parenting, or home educating role, like you’d view employment, you’d accept there’s bound to be bad days when you’re giving less than you’d like. If you were employed you might even throw a sickie!

Can’t do that as a parent – but you can go easy on yourself for a day till it passes. Also remember there are teachers, nursery workers, assistants, helpers, who will be working through a bad day without giving their best either. It’s just normal having a bad day from time to time. Doesn’t make you a bad person, just because you can’t give your best today.

Make a cuppa. Sit it out. Accept it gracefully. Wait for the climate of your day to change. You’re just human. Deal with it with the compassion and gentleness that makes you humane.

This will show your children the skills to deal with bad days whenever they get them too, and help them understand bad days are part of life and not to worry – the climate always changes – bad wind always passes! So even on a bad day you’ll be teaching them something through your parenting! Take comfort from that. And if you’re suffering one right now, may your climate soon change!

Sibling conflict and The Wrong Adventure

 

Have you come across Harry? He’s the star of the story ‘Who’s Not In School?’ and he gets up to all sorts of adventures in a typical family week with kids at home.

In book two; ‘The Wrong Adventure’, he decides to tunnel out. Why? Because he wants to get away from his older brother and sister as everything he does seems to annoy them. He’s not doing what he does specifically to annoy, as all older siblings seem to feel, but because he’s curious. and it gets the better of him. He ends up exploring things he shouldn’t!

It’s typical in most households and was loosely based on what happened in this one, when the youngest was constantly fascinated with the activities of the eldest and wanted part of it, or hands on it, or to do the activities for herself however inappropriate. And however much I tried to involve both in activities at their own level there were times it seemed impossible, times when the eldest just wanted to absorb herself in what she was doing without having to guard against little fingers grabbing stuff all the time.

You have to be careful how you react to this scenario, I discovered. You can find yourself involved in a sibling competition to get you onside.

You have to be canny. You have to try and resolve it without that happening. Better still, you have to lead them to resolving it themselves to the satisfaction of both – but this can only happen with a certain maturity and there are times when they’re just no old enough.

I tried talking, explaining, compromise and keeping respectful and if all that fails distraction and diversion. And have to admit sibling rivalry could become quite wearing. But all would be resolved in the end, togetherness restored, even though I got it disastrously wrong at times as all parents do, so don’t worry, it’s not just you! And they’ve forgiven me!

And the only fights they ever get into now is united, side by side, in fierce loyalty against any challenges to it – together! It’s been lovely to see and not something I could ever have imagined when crayons were flying across the room!

So, why is Harry on the wrong adventure? Well, if you haven’t guessed by this post, I’ll leave you to find out for yourself when you read it. Read it together with your little ones and it might give you an opportunity to talk about how siblings treat each other and how it could be improved in your household when everyone is at loggerheads. For what’s required is to see each other’s point of view and hopefully this story will help that.

 

‘The Wrong Adventure’ is published by Bird’s Nest Books and is also available on Amazon.

A way to renew this Easter

One of the beautiful things about life with young children – as well as the children themselves, of course – is their awe and delight in

Take a moment with the kids to appreciate the little things like droplets on a feather

the simplest of little things. A ladybird on the pavement. A tree for climbing. A hole in the undergrowth just right for crawling into. A wall for walking along. The feel of mud through fingers. The splashy noise of puddles.

It’s such a magic time and parents get the joy of sharing these things – if you take the time, that is.

Are you missing it?

A way of not missing it is to slow down and look at the little things as if they were new to you too. Indulge in the delight of really looking – like kids do. Of looking through the lens of their eyes, seeing things as if for the first time. What better way to spend the weekend?

Easter is traditionally a time of regrowth and rebirth. Maybe you could do your own bit of rebirthing and learn from your kids – learn from the little people who are usually learning from you. We’re never too grown up to change. Learn how to see with a different view – their view – their delight.

So how about, whatever the weather, leaving the phones and tablets behind, getting out in a green space somewhere, and observing the world with renewed eyes, attitude and time frame?

Take time to replenish yourself by going at their pace, change your momentum and the way you race by all the tiny wonders around without really seeing, without really feeling the awe. Slow down. Look closely. Absorb yourself. It’s quite a meditative practice – just what we need sometimes!

And renewing yourself will help you be the best parent you can be – one that’s never to busy to enjoy the little things with the kids. They’ll remember you for that!

Happy Easter!

Undercurrents of love and play

My 23yo still playing I’m glad to say!

When the children were small there was nothing we liked better than a little expedition. Especially ones that took us to favourite haunts where the children could rush along the footpaths, clamber on logs, make dens, look for natural treasures like creepy crawlies, fungi, birds and snails, and slosh about in water as much as possible. Picnics were usually part of it too, even if we had to eat with our gloves on.

These days when my grown up daughter comes home for a visit, like she did recently, there’s nothing I like better than doing the same; than going back to those old haunts where she still balances on logs, sloshes about in her wellies and hopes for a picnic. And I join in for most of it!

Such magic moments to be treasured all the more as the opportunities for them become more rare, especially as their activities tend to be more sophisticated and urban these days. And mine at the computer!

However, the undercurrents of love and playfulness haven’t changed even if the venues do. Even if we become more sophisticated as we grow – supposedly – we must never be too grown up to play – very important. Especially in the light of reports over recent years  about the damage of children not playing outside any more. And reports that to play is good for our well-being.

So, I hope you’re making lots of opportunities for uninhibited play, for yourself and for the children, and creating magic moments with yours to revisit when they’re grown, as they inevitably do.

Remember; no one is ever too old or too sophisticated to play. Encourage it and demonstrate it all the time!

The teacher and the taught together…

I had a trip to Hull last week. It’s not somewhere that ever gets held up as a place to visit. More’s the pity as it has much to offer. Particularly so after winning the City of Culture 2017.

What I wanted to see most of all was the blade. An art installation using the gigantic blade of a wind turbine. Although we went to visit

Underneath the turbine blade

Underneath the turbine blade

working turbines with the kids when they were younger getting right up underneath them, it was nothing compared to standing next to this. It was totally awesome – as the kids would say. Even I was overawed by something so simple but so magnificent.

I also went to the Ferens gallery and that was a treat too.

But do you know what my biggest joy was? It was from seeing all the families with their children visiting these exhibits and enjoying them together. They were walking round, fairly quickly as you do with kids, but never the less chatting away and just looking and learning together.

I know many families would feel uncomfortable going to an art gallery. Some feel daunted or out of their league. Same with museums or other exhibitions sometimes. But it’s important to get out of our comfort zones and show the kids the things we’re not so comfortable with, as those we are. Think outside the box. Go places like archaeological digs, cemeteries, quarries, churches, mosques, stately houses, gardens, discover footpaths, as well as nature reserves or deep sea centres that are more organised. You never know what it’ll spark off. And you never know what learning or inspiration develops from it.

And right on cue to these thoughts I read a super Eastern saying in a book this morning that sums up so nicely the learning we do with our children out of school. Learning that arises incidentally from these trips, without being formally taught, and yet is equally valid. Here it is to take away with you:

The teacher and the taught together create the teaching

Get out there with your children and together create your own learning!

A word of thanks & to whet your appetite for Monday

Thank you so much to all those who supported my blog tour. It has meant so much. Thank you also to the wonderful host blogs; I’m so grateful to you for letting me gab on over on your blogs about education from all different angles! And to Bird’s Nest Books for organising it.

If you haven’t discovered these brilliant blogs yet click the links on my previous post. They’re worth a visit; it’s always inspiring to explore new ideas. Did you check any of them out – do let me know? Today (Thurs) is your last chance to win my latest book over at the Home Education Podcast. 

Meanwhile, another thought provoking book; ‘Rethinking Learning To Read’ has just come my way, which the author is going to talk about on Monday’s blog. Even its introduction got my educational juices going. It tells us how there is historical evidence to show that people learnt to read quite successfully through informal approaches long before schemes and schools came on the scene! (Just like many home educators do!)

Can’t wait to read the rest. Pop by Monday and listen to what the author has to say.

Catch me other places!

blog-tour-badge There’ll be a slight change with my next few posts.

My publisher at Bird’s Nest Books has arranged for me to do a blog tour, so I’ll be posting in other places for a while.

It’s a great opportunity for me to visit other blogging friends and blog from slightly different angles. And a great opportunity for you to check out other sites you may not have seen before.

It’ll start this later week on:

Thursday 2nd Feb with Becky’s blog www.family-budgeting.co.uk where there are some great money saving tips.

On Friday 3rd I’m over at www.downsideup.com where Hayley talks about her work to support parents and children with Down’s syndrome.

Saturday 4th finds me with Louise, a fellow author also home educating, who asks where ideas originate. www.louisewalterswriter.blogspot.co.uk

On Monday 6th it’s David’s turn at dadvworld.com who blogs from a dad’s point of view as well as home educating. He posed some thought-provoking questions!

And on Tuesday 7th I’ll be over with Keris who also writes about home education as well as children’s books at https://happyhomeed.com

Finally, on Wednesday 8th I’m with Holly at Naturalmumma.com talking a little about our journey through parenting and home education.

And just to finish off on Thursday 9th the home education podcast site will be chatting about my latest book at Ep.44 and have one to give away!

I hope you’ll get a chance to pop over and have a read and don’t forget to tell me, or leave a comment there and share the blog. It’s always so uplifting to hear from you and know the post has been of interest and is getting to those who need it. And don’t forget to visit Bird’s Nest Books too for any extensions to the schedule.