Tag Archive | children’s needs

“Butterfly”

I’ve been totally inspired by the recent mini series on ITV entitled ‘Butterfly’. It followed the dilemmas and conflicts of a family who is coming to terms with the fact their youngest child wishes to transition from being a boy to a girl.

A scene from ‘Butterfly’

It’s a subject I have no direct experience or knowledge of. But I could readily imagine the challenges people would face in a society made up of many who find it difficult to accept differences in others.

As home educators, some of us have already experienced the kind of bigotry and opposition that can ensue when you wish to forge a path that’s not considered ‘normal’! We came across several members of the public in the early days that considered our choices not only to be ‘weird’ but also detrimental to our children – happy as these people were to overlook the fact that their schooling was already harming them.

Thankfully home schooling is more widely known about, understood and has a rising awareness in the media. However, although there has been much in the media recently about gender identification and transition, I can imagine that many still find it hard to acknowledge and remain open about. And for those families experiencing it firsthand there must be many challenges beyond the comprehension of most of us, some of which the programme identified. The needs of a child who has a strong desire to transition are paramount but, as the programme identified, the impact of those needs reaches round the whole family and beyond, so we all could do well to improve our knowledge in order to learn how best we can be supportive and understanding.

Mermaids, an organisation who recognises transgender needs and supports families in this position, maintain that those with support go on to have the most positive outcomes. They have a variety of articles on their site to help increase understanding. And there is also some information about gender dysphoria on the NHS website.

As with everything outside of mainstream, and for every minority community, there is always much to overcome in order to move society towards an awareness and acceptance. I’m hoping this brave and enlightening programme has done some good in that direction.

And perhaps part of our job as parents is to support all children, not just our own, through our own attitude, awareness and acceptance, thus teaching our kids to do the same.

I’m certainly the wiser for it, as well as being inspired. I recommend a watch!

What’s your tagline – and do you want it?

I’ve just been to one of those groups where you start the meeting by going round, giving your name and saying a little bit about yourself. Most people seem to welcome the chance to pop themselves into a category or adopt a label of some kind.

I on the other hand hate it. I avoid it as much as I can; the anonymity is so refreshing and I loathe being pigeonholed.

We get so possessive about labels, taglines and categories, as if we don’t know who we are without them. I’ve been going to this philosophy group a while now and can see some still revel in opportunity to tag ‘who they are’ as if the label made them so.

I’ve run out of imaginative ways to not say who I am and have got to the point of just saying ‘I’m Ross’, after which there’s a long and awkward silence! But I refuse to be allocated to a category even if it makes others feel better being able to tidy me up into one.

Categories are something that can really trip parents up. Make you feel you have to be following certain trends irrespective of whether it suits or not. This is particularly true if you’re home educating.

Are you a home educator or an unschooler, structured or autonomous?

Who cares?

Does it matter? Not really.

Parenting, education, is far better if it’s flexible. (And those are two categories that are inseparable from one another anyway).

Flexibility means you don’t have to stick with a pre-set agenda or category, and are adaptable and open to change. If you have to stick with your label it can become restrictive. It can prevent you being open to flexibility, then there’s a danger you’re not open to learning new ways that might suit your child better.

For instance, you may have a hankering for a completely autonomous approach in your household, yet have a child who thrives better with some structure and the security of being told what to do. Some are born leaders, some aren’t. Some need leading out. And instructions can make some feel secure.

Conversely you might want to adopt a school style day in your Home Ed routine because you’re familiar with it and it helps you think what to do, but have a child so passionate about their interests it creates conflicts between you. That’s the last thing you want if you want to home educate successfully.

And anyway, you could do both on different occasions for different subjects. And whatever you do your child changes as he grows – you have to remain open to that.

So the thing is; there’s a whole plethora of ways to raise and educate and you can use elements of all approaches.

But what matters most is not the category you’re in, but that what you do suits your child, your household, your circumstances and you as well. This of course takes compromise. But compromise is good for a child to see. Leading successful lives requires getting on with others and that always takes compromise.

Labels, tags, categories and camps can lack compromise and are usually nothing to do with the child’s needs, are instead about our adult needs. But it’s the child who’s important here, surely!

Do what works for you and your children, I say, irrespective of categories or labels. Explore the range of possibilities and, like me at the group, enjoy the freedom that comes from not having to live up to a tagline!