As well as wings…

From ‘Persuaded’ at the Brighton Fringe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All I ever wanted to do was hide in a cupboard. It took me ages to find the guts needed to publish.

Where then has this daughter come from?

The one who can pace across the stage as if she owns it. Who can publically perform despite demons from Drama School. Who can convince audiences to laugh or cry with the character she portrays and make us believe that’s who she really is, (I know different). Who has such courage and confidence to fight the inherent shyness so many actors and actresses have. And who has grown into someone who is not what her parents are, doing things her parents could never do.

We cannot ever own all our children need to be, even though you think that’s the way of it when they’re small. Or lead them to emulate what we were.

And the biggest thing we can give our youngsters as well as wings, is the confidence which provides the lift to fly them.

I’ve just been to see my eldest in one of the Brighton Fringe productions and she was terrific on the stage – something I could never ever do.

But the performance I’m really applauding along with that one, is the courage it takes not only to do it, but to live her independent life so different from ours.

And while I bruise my palms with clapping, my soul is blushed with pride!

Terror and tissues and emotional tornados

  “I feel sick!…” she said.

Well you wanted to do it, I thought, perhaps rather callously. She was only four at the time but I felt totally stressed at the thought of her performing live on stage.

“…And I want the toilet.”

Again?

She was nestled up against me in the dressing room looking small and strange in her Mickey Mouse Costume.

“Come on Chelsea, you’ll be fine,” said one of the grown up dancers in her rustly, sparkly outfit which Chelsea would rather be wearing.

She took Chelsea’s hand and walked from me towards the huge looming dark of the stage wings. One tall. One tiny. It was as much as I could do to stop myself from running after her and grabbing her back. Gut-wrenching doesn’t come near describing it. My organs were doing somersaults. Not sure who was more terrified.

I swore I was never, ever going to let her do this again however much she said she wanted to. I was her mum. I knew best, didn’t I?

I joined the others in the audience and dribbled my anxiety to Charles from behind a tissue.

“But it’s just in her,” he said. “It’s her who wants to perform, it’s not up to you. She’s just so into it.”

“I know. But she didn’t understand about shows and stuff, she’s too little.”

“She’ll be fine, you’ll see…” he broke off as the hush descended with a fanfare and the curtain rose.

Definitely me more terrified.

For my tiny little four-year-old stood totally alone and totally cool with it, centre stage, beaming in the spotlight as she waited patiently for silence to settle. Then single-handedly announced the forth coming show to hundreds watching with a voice that suggested she’d been doing it for years. And strutted confidently off to mounting applause and ‘Aws!’ from all around.

And I knew then that she had in her that something I had no concept of, that I completely underestimated, and really had no part in developing. Performing was part of who she was; I didn’t always know best.

It’s been like that all her life. A tornado of emotions as several times a year we watched her in every show and got through all the times she felt sick.

“You can stop whenever you want to,” I always said. I always got the disdainful glare. Even a ten year old could make me feel like an idiot for thinking that was an option.

It was only Drama school that nearly destroyed it. Making her so hung up about an ability she was sure about before, just like any institution hangs kids up about their abilities if they can’t be forced to fit. How I hate them for it. But with that indomitable courage she’s bounced back.

And this weekend I’m going away to see her in her first performance in the Brighton Fringe. 

And I know I will be filled up with love and pride. And will no doubt need those tissues more than ever!

So, what’s wrong with school?

 There are good reasons for sending your kids to school…so we are told!

I was always sceptical – there seemed to be far too many good reasons not to send them too. But they’re usually swept under the carpet along with children’s feelings.

So I’m thrilled that someone’s actually unearthed them and outlined them in a book.

‘So, what’s wrong with school? 125 reasons not to send your kids’ by Jessica Mwanzia is a fascinating, thought-provoking, but very readable book that slaps your consciousness with all the hidden truths about the schooling system which most people would rather not face up to.

I’m so excited by her work that I asked her if she’d like to tell us how it came about and a little more about it.

Below is what she says. But the book itself is even more fascinating – you so need to read it for yourselves! (There’s a link following). Here’s Jessica…

“I came upon home education as a last resort 14 years ago when my young son and school were incompatible. I had been institutionalised to believe school was a good thing. Aren’t they supposed to be the best years of your life?

I began reflecting on my own involvement in classrooms, from both sides of the desk and the observations I had made of my child’s experiences. I was shocked by the gap between what we are led to believe happens and what actually does.

So I gathered news items, jotted down my thoughts, observations and recollections, searched for statistics and read and read. Soon I could think of hundreds of reasons why school was a bad idea. It became a cathartic unpicking of my own prolonged involvement with the education system. And it became a book.

So, what’s wrong with school? 125 reasons not to send your kids is a resource to strengthen the resolve of home-educators in those dark moments many of us have when we wonder if we should stop fighting the world and just send our kids. I see it as a tool to convince the doubting with statistics and information for worried grandparents and partners who think our kids are missing out by being at home.

I asked myself many questions, which became the focus for the chapters in the book:

1. What do we learn and fail to learn in school? The overt and covert messages shape a lifetime of thinking and non-thinking, obedience or rebellion, of belief in ourselves as failures or failures-in-waiting.
2. What are the many schisms that school creates? Separation from our own needs, goals, feeling and desires sets up fragmented lives. By taking children away from parents and adults other than teachers and by age-segregating, schools ensure we stand alone.
3. What impact does the culture of school have on children and wider society?  From bullying to injustice, dishonesty to deferred gratification the myths and environment of school create many distortions.
4. What about the teachers? Undermined and overwhelmed, sick and stressed, the strangers we hand our kids over to are not in the best of health. Some are bullies and many want to leave teaching if only they could find other work.
5. What is the impact of continually measuring and labelling children with a number or a grade? The numbers harm and deceive, while disregarding those things we cannot measure.
6. How does school affect the health of pupils? Lack of exercise combines with sick buildings and unhygienic toilets and kitchens to make schools unhealthy places for the inmates.
7. What about their mental health? Schools play a role in creating depression and anxiety, damaging self-image and forcing youngsters to do too much too young. The increase in pharmaceuticals to drug bored and stressed children is also examined.
8. Are particular groups more at risk of harm in the school system? Boys have a tough time, “under-performing”, labelled with special needs and existing in an environment that shapes a particular brand of masculinity. Girls fare no better in the sexually charged environment. Many subgroups in society fare badly: the poor, the summer born, those with SEN, ethnic minorities.
9. What is the true cost of school to individuals, society and the planet? I argue that schools are expensive, damaging the environment, individuals and societies the world over.

I conclude the book with a look at ways forward, with many links to organisations and further reading. My website  http://sowhatswrongwithschool.wordpress.com/  aims to gather more examples under the Discussion – The way forward page. On the website there is a complete list of contents – all 125 reasons – and extracts from the book. For those inspired to buy it, simply click on the book cover for a paperback via lulu, or use the contact form for a PDF copy. (Can be converted to Kindle for free once you have received it.)”

Is education only ever about scores?

“O that’s a shame!” was the response to my first child’s birth date.

It was on the first of September you see. The cut off date by which the system decides a child is of suitable age to start their education – or rather start school which is another matter all together.

Her birth date would mean that she would always be the eldest in the class. But also meant that she would have to ‘wait’ a whole year longer to begin this educating process than my friend’s child who was born in August. He was always the youngest. And instead of ‘waiting’ as everyone put it, was never ready for the stages he was propelled towards.

I was thrilled we had our child at home another year. It meant she was more mature, more confident, more able to cope with the dross schools throws at kids. In the end of course we decided it wasn’t worth the dross and home educated and continued with the learning kind of life we’d given her before. In other words gave our kids activities appropriate to their ability, needs and interests with no relation to scores.

Tests and scores never had anything to do with it our children’s education. As they shouldn’t. But sadly, it seems scores are more important than needs which then requires all kinds of crazy strategies just so kids can be made to fit…see this article from the BBC News:

Summer-born pupils ‘should have exam scores boosted’

It is a massive problem and fault with the system.

There is a huge gap between the development of a child like mine who had a whole extra year to mature and build confidence and understanding, and a child like my friend’s who was that year younger.

But maybe if we educated differently, looked at education differently and took the emphasis off results and educated for personal development’s sake – without testing – the problem wouldn’t arise. For it is only a problem in school with the ridiculous way they test and score kids throughout their lives.

In the home education community, where children are educated as individuals, some never being tested at all even though they may be keeping a parallel with the work their school peers are doing, the problem doesn’t exist. Children are educated to their needs and ability at the time – not their age.

Ironically, what usually happens is they all end up at the same place academically at roughly the same age as school kids anyway – without the stress of having been constantly measured by all those tests and scores throughout their education.

Which just goes to show how little we need them.

And another good reason to home educate!

Awe-filled way to educate…

Dandelion out of concrete!

Awe in the world – I reckon that’s the best thing about being with little kids. Sharing their awe in the world, a world which is new to them of course.

Bit of a pain when you can’t get anywhere quickly because everything has to be examined; the bug on the pavement, the cat on the car bonnet, the dandelion growing out of concrete, the seeds from the sycamore, or even the odd dried dog poo. And they find endless delight in the clusters of city pigeons that strut around the benches in the precinct. They even find awe in their own feet sometimes.

Boring to us it may be, yet it’s all new stuff to learn about when you’re new to the world yourself!

Sometimes having small kids can even reignite your own awe in the everyday things we adults take for granted. That’s one of the wonderful things about having your kids around you – they make even you take notice of the little things. When you really examine the colours on a pigeon you find the most extraordinary iridescence.

If we’re not careful we can take this for granted. And overlook the essential part all this plays in our children’s education.

For this observation is a basis for educating – observational skills are valuable learning skills. Observation helps build knowledge of the world. Observational skills are as essential as all those other skills you equate with education like reading, writing and sums, which are really only a small part of the whole range of skills a person needs to become educated.

To become educated, and to fulfil the whole reason for education if you look at it beyond just gaining grades, children need to be equipped with the skills they need to live in that world. They need to look at it to learn about it, understand it, interact with it, care for it, take responsibility for it – starting with oneself, and work out how to make a contribution.

And all this starts with observation. It starts right back with you taking ages to get to the shop because you have to examine all these tiny parts of their world on your journey. Talk about them, point things out, answer questions about them.

Giving time to doing that helps encourage their awe in their world, helps keep it fresh, helps keep them interested and if they’re interested they’re learning.

It’s worth giving the time to what you think are irritating insignificances because while you’re being irritated by the constant stopping and observing, your child is learning and adding to their understanding and therefore their education.

That takes time.

It only takes ten minutes or so for them to learn how to add up. A complete and valid education takes a lifetime – a lifetime of awe in their world. Just like Newton was awed by the fact the apple fell down not up. What discoveries might your child make just through their observations of the world around them?

So, slow down, take as many moments as you can to foster and nurture that awe and observe the world. Who knows what it might lead to!

Not saying ‘love you’…

Her first Uni year is coming to an end. She is anxious.

I took a liberty, usually only afforded to mums of little ones; I reached out across the settee and touched her hair. Twiddled the long shank of curl round my finger in an affectionate gesture.

I just wanted to offer comfort. And you can’t swaddle up big people like you can when they’re little and hurts are easily healed by hugs on lap. It doesn’t work any more; not just because they’re big but because they don’t want it in the same way.

I was expecting “Get off!”

Instead, she turned to look at me and softened her Ipad eyes into love. She put the screen aside and laid her head down on my knee, lifting legs up. She’s too tall to stretch out on the settee now – there was a time when she could only just see over it. She quietly melted.

We stayed like that a while. I stroked her hair.

It’s not saying ‘love you’ all the time that tells them how much they are loved. It’s those gestures that pass between you, at whatever age, which truly tell it all.

Sophia’s Choice

To read my post today I’m redirecting you to the brilliant website ‘Sophia’s Choice’ managed by the lovely Charlie Hughes.

She writes about natural, organic ideas and choices for parents and families and she invited me to write a guest post for her site about home educating and how parents of school-going children can learn from our approaches too!

So do pop across and have a read;

http://sophiaschoiceuk.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/ever-thought-about-home-education-ross.html

Educating the elite and doing sod all for the rest…

I’ve been in contact with a few home educating friends lately who have teens doing such entrepreneurial projects. Projects that give them purpose, that inspire and motivate them, with possibilities they could take forward in the future. Like little business. Writing and networking on the Web. As well as pulling in a few qualifications alongside.

And I can’t help thinking that these kids will make a success of their lives because they have so many diverse ideas and valuable skills gained from being in a home educating environment. Because while you’re at home you’re living life and living life gives you life skills and that’s what they’ll need for their future in today’s economic climate.

Schools aren’t big on ideas and life skills – not if they can’t be tested. Schools have become just too outdated in the way they educate; they’re still educating like they did when schooling began.

When schooling began, and information was scarce and academic skills were confined to an elite few, school was a place where you could transform your life with knowledge and ideas.

Now it seems a place that conforms your life into a no-ideas mediocrity. Except for the privileged few of course.

In this new age of no jobs I’m not sure how this is going to help.

Kids are going to have to rise above mediocrity. They’re going to have to have ideas in order to generate an income. They are going to have to think beyond the standardised boxes schools try to keep them in through grade obsession. Think flexibly and be adaptable, not stay in one tight and narrow framework like schools con them to do.

What we need to do is stop mass producing kids towards one outcome – mostly political i.e. for grades and league tables. And start thinking about how best to educate them to be able to live their lives in thoughtful, purposeful and independent ways, whatever form, that will enable them to support themselves, maybe create businesses, find incomes through a diversity of routes rather than a single track. Because the single track to single job prospect looks a bit bleak.

Politicians don’t seem to get the fact that they are just an elite few with elite lives. Yet they’re still making educational policies which make them even more elite whilst doing sod all for the rest.

The MAJORITY of the population leads lives that are very, very different from elite, which are full of challenges and mountainous obstacles and for some enormous poverty and non-employment.

What’s the good of more grades in that scenario?

Schools need to stop selling grades like they were a magic bullet. And start educating for life skills and ideas.

We once needed grades to prove we had knowledge and get us a job. Now kids need ideas to help them overcome the biggest challenge they’ll ever have to face; possibly no job!

What’s the best way to educate for that?

Parenting – what matters most?

It does all end, you know; the night feeds, the nasty nappies and poo and piles in places you’d rather they weren’t. Plus the fading opportunity to sit still for five seconds without worrying that the kids have gone suspiciously quiet.

It feels like it will be forever, those sticky chins, soggy faces pressed in your neck and an adoration that is always yours simply because you’re mum.

But of course it isn’t. And you don’t really get that till twenty years or so have passed, when you have to work harder for your adoration and you suddenly appreciate those gems of parenthood collectively because they’ve moved on by.

As I pass into this new phase of parent-to-adults – well; more best friends really – I wonder what I would say to those of you at the beginning of your parenting life?

Like others before me, I could say it’s an opportunity too precious to waste. But when you’re going through it with tinies I know that means nothing really, because it’s impossible to imagine a time you’ve yet to experience.

I think I might say something else instead.

I would say; make moments with your child matter.

Make moments that matter, both to you and to them. Make the moments you spend with them count. Because all of what you do counts towards the creation of a caring, conscious, conscientious human being who, collected with others make a caring conscientious race.

And I would say that twenty years from now it will not matter how much money you spent on them, which phone you used, how big your income, how tidy your house or how many friends you have on social media.

What will matter will be the contribution you will have made by the way you parented your child. By the moments you made. The memories you made.

That’s the only thing that really truly matters.

That’s what I would say.

Holiday rebellion!

…a walk by a river…

Start a rebellion. Take your kids on holiday in term time.

After my little holiday without them, I’m put in mind of all the times we took the kids away – usually only for little inexpensive jaunts – and how educational it was. And it makes me think parents should rebel because it’s as educational being on holiday as it is sitting doing stuff in a classroom.

Not that the schools or politicians would want you to know this. They’d rather keep your kids in schools with heads down taking tests so that they can collate results and put them in statistics and con us that the results show that kids are being well educated so we should vote for them!

They’re not being well educated. They’re just being well tested which doesn’t do a lot for the kids’ education at all.

Of course, it depends on your definition of education.

If your definition of education is to develop in your child the knowledge and skills needed to live a life out in the world beyond school then nothing could be more educative than getting them out and showing them that world.

If your definition of education is one that’s only measured by scores then I guess you won’t get what I’m on about.

Let’s face facts; scores are only scores on paper. Skills and understanding are what’s needed to lead life, not scores.

Going places, seeing different cultures, experiencing a diversity of lives, places, people, ideas, foods, dwellings, projects, conversations, languages, habitats, terrain, environments … these are the experiences that show kids the real world, that develops intellect and gives them a broader view of the world and how they might work within it, more than that just getting scores.

But they have to get scores – or pass exams, I hear you say in panic.

But do they? How many? And how much do they need to be in school to do that?

Most home educated kids spend most of their time engaged in the kinds of experiences described above and a much smaller proportion of their time doing stuff for GCSEs yet still pass them. Some don’t do GCSEs at all and still go on to Uni or work and productive and fulfilled lives.

And what’s even better they seem to understand what they want to do, how to fit what they want within the working world, and are therefore motivated to go for it.

And they find this from simply being out in the world rather than shut away from it. They’ve seen lives and have been educated to lead lives. That’s how it works.

So far from stopping parents taking kids away on holiday – whatever time of year – schools should be actively encouraging it. And stop paying lip service to this ridiculous obsession the government has with scores. And parents need to look beyond scores when they consider schools to whether the kids are happy there – if they’re happy, they’ll be learning.

Take them away as much as you can, there’s so much to see and do and it doesn’t have to cost a lot. A day in a wood, on a beach, on a farm, in a city museum, by a river – most are free – and they learn from the experience.

So I should start a holiday rebellion!