As well as wings…

From ‘Persuaded’ at the Brighton Fringe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All I ever wanted to do was hide in a cupboard. It took me ages to find the guts needed to publish.

Where then has this daughter come from?

The one who can pace across the stage as if she owns it. Who can publically perform despite demons from Drama School. Who can convince audiences to laugh or cry with the character she portrays and make us believe that’s who she really is, (I know different). Who has such courage and confidence to fight the inherent shyness so many actors and actresses have. And who has grown into someone who is not what her parents are, doing things her parents could never do.

We cannot ever own all our children need to be, even though you think that’s the way of it when they’re small. Or lead them to emulate what we were.

And the biggest thing we can give our youngsters as well as wings, is the confidence which provides the lift to fly them.

I’ve just been to see my eldest in one of the Brighton Fringe productions and she was terrific on the stage – something I could never ever do.

But the performance I’m really applauding along with that one, is the courage it takes not only to do it, but to live her independent life so different from ours.

And while I bruise my palms with clapping, my soul is blushed with pride!

Terror and tissues and emotional tornados

  “I feel sick!…” she said.

Well you wanted to do it, I thought, perhaps rather callously. She was only four at the time but I felt totally stressed at the thought of her performing live on stage.

“…And I want the toilet.”

Again?

She was nestled up against me in the dressing room looking small and strange in her Mickey Mouse Costume.

“Come on Chelsea, you’ll be fine,” said one of the grown up dancers in her rustly, sparkly outfit which Chelsea would rather be wearing.

She took Chelsea’s hand and walked from me towards the huge looming dark of the stage wings. One tall. One tiny. It was as much as I could do to stop myself from running after her and grabbing her back. Gut-wrenching doesn’t come near describing it. My organs were doing somersaults. Not sure who was more terrified.

I swore I was never, ever going to let her do this again however much she said she wanted to. I was her mum. I knew best, didn’t I?

I joined the others in the audience and dribbled my anxiety to Charles from behind a tissue.

“But it’s just in her,” he said. “It’s her who wants to perform, it’s not up to you. She’s just so into it.”

“I know. But she didn’t understand about shows and stuff, she’s too little.”

“She’ll be fine, you’ll see…” he broke off as the hush descended with a fanfare and the curtain rose.

Definitely me more terrified.

For my tiny little four-year-old stood totally alone and totally cool with it, centre stage, beaming in the spotlight as she waited patiently for silence to settle. Then single-handedly announced the forth coming show to hundreds watching with a voice that suggested she’d been doing it for years. And strutted confidently off to mounting applause and ‘Aws!’ from all around.

And I knew then that she had in her that something I had no concept of, that I completely underestimated, and really had no part in developing. Performing was part of who she was; I didn’t always know best.

It’s been like that all her life. A tornado of emotions as several times a year we watched her in every show and got through all the times she felt sick.

“You can stop whenever you want to,” I always said. I always got the disdainful glare. Even a ten year old could make me feel like an idiot for thinking that was an option.

It was only Drama school that nearly destroyed it. Making her so hung up about an ability she was sure about before, just like any institution hangs kids up about their abilities if they can’t be forced to fit. How I hate them for it. But with that indomitable courage she’s bounced back.

And this weekend I’m going away to see her in her first performance in the Brighton Fringe. 

And I know I will be filled up with love and pride. And will no doubt need those tissues more than ever!

So, what’s wrong with school?

 There are good reasons for sending your kids to school…so we are told!

I was always sceptical – there seemed to be far too many good reasons not to send them too. But they’re usually swept under the carpet along with children’s feelings.

So I’m thrilled that someone’s actually unearthed them and outlined them in a book.

‘So, what’s wrong with school? 125 reasons not to send your kids’ by Jessica Mwanzia is a fascinating, thought-provoking, but very readable book that slaps your consciousness with all the hidden truths about the schooling system which most people would rather not face up to.

I’m so excited by her work that I asked her if she’d like to tell us how it came about and a little more about it.

Below is what she says. But the book itself is even more fascinating – you so need to read it for yourselves! (There’s a link following). Here’s Jessica…

“I came upon home education as a last resort 14 years ago when my young son and school were incompatible. I had been institutionalised to believe school was a good thing. Aren’t they supposed to be the best years of your life?

I began reflecting on my own involvement in classrooms, from both sides of the desk and the observations I had made of my child’s experiences. I was shocked by the gap between what we are led to believe happens and what actually does.

So I gathered news items, jotted down my thoughts, observations and recollections, searched for statistics and read and read. Soon I could think of hundreds of reasons why school was a bad idea. It became a cathartic unpicking of my own prolonged involvement with the education system. And it became a book.

So, what’s wrong with school? 125 reasons not to send your kids is a resource to strengthen the resolve of home-educators in those dark moments many of us have when we wonder if we should stop fighting the world and just send our kids. I see it as a tool to convince the doubting with statistics and information for worried grandparents and partners who think our kids are missing out by being at home.

I asked myself many questions, which became the focus for the chapters in the book:

1. What do we learn and fail to learn in school? The overt and covert messages shape a lifetime of thinking and non-thinking, obedience or rebellion, of belief in ourselves as failures or failures-in-waiting.
2. What are the many schisms that school creates? Separation from our own needs, goals, feeling and desires sets up fragmented lives. By taking children away from parents and adults other than teachers and by age-segregating, schools ensure we stand alone.
3. What impact does the culture of school have on children and wider society?  From bullying to injustice, dishonesty to deferred gratification the myths and environment of school create many distortions.
4. What about the teachers? Undermined and overwhelmed, sick and stressed, the strangers we hand our kids over to are not in the best of health. Some are bullies and many want to leave teaching if only they could find other work.
5. What is the impact of continually measuring and labelling children with a number or a grade? The numbers harm and deceive, while disregarding those things we cannot measure.
6. How does school affect the health of pupils? Lack of exercise combines with sick buildings and unhygienic toilets and kitchens to make schools unhealthy places for the inmates.
7. What about their mental health? Schools play a role in creating depression and anxiety, damaging self-image and forcing youngsters to do too much too young. The increase in pharmaceuticals to drug bored and stressed children is also examined.
8. Are particular groups more at risk of harm in the school system? Boys have a tough time, “under-performing”, labelled with special needs and existing in an environment that shapes a particular brand of masculinity. Girls fare no better in the sexually charged environment. Many subgroups in society fare badly: the poor, the summer born, those with SEN, ethnic minorities.
9. What is the true cost of school to individuals, society and the planet? I argue that schools are expensive, damaging the environment, individuals and societies the world over.

I conclude the book with a look at ways forward, with many links to organisations and further reading. My website  http://sowhatswrongwithschool.wordpress.com/  aims to gather more examples under the Discussion – The way forward page. On the website there is a complete list of contents – all 125 reasons – and extracts from the book. For those inspired to buy it, simply click on the book cover for a paperback via lulu, or use the contact form for a PDF copy. (Can be converted to Kindle for free once you have received it.)”

Is education only ever about scores?

“O that’s a shame!” was the response to my first child’s birth date.

It was on the first of September you see. The cut off date by which the system decides a child is of suitable age to start their education – or rather start school which is another matter all together.

Her birth date would mean that she would always be the eldest in the class. But also meant that she would have to ‘wait’ a whole year longer to begin this educating process than my friend’s child who was born in August. He was always the youngest. And instead of ‘waiting’ as everyone put it, was never ready for the stages he was propelled towards.

I was thrilled we had our child at home another year. It meant she was more mature, more confident, more able to cope with the dross schools throws at kids. In the end of course we decided it wasn’t worth the dross and home educated and continued with the learning kind of life we’d given her before. In other words gave our kids activities appropriate to their ability, needs and interests with no relation to scores.

Tests and scores never had anything to do with it our children’s education. As they shouldn’t. But sadly, it seems scores are more important than needs which then requires all kinds of crazy strategies just so kids can be made to fit…see this article from the BBC News:

Summer-born pupils ‘should have exam scores boosted’

It is a massive problem and fault with the system.

There is a huge gap between the development of a child like mine who had a whole extra year to mature and build confidence and understanding, and a child like my friend’s who was that year younger.

But maybe if we educated differently, looked at education differently and took the emphasis off results and educated for personal development’s sake – without testing – the problem wouldn’t arise. For it is only a problem in school with the ridiculous way they test and score kids throughout their lives.

In the home education community, where children are educated as individuals, some never being tested at all even though they may be keeping a parallel with the work their school peers are doing, the problem doesn’t exist. Children are educated to their needs and ability at the time – not their age.

Ironically, what usually happens is they all end up at the same place academically at roughly the same age as school kids anyway – without the stress of having been constantly measured by all those tests and scores throughout their education.

Which just goes to show how little we need them.

And another good reason to home educate!

Awe-filled way to educate…

Dandelion out of concrete!

Awe in the world – I reckon that’s the best thing about being with little kids. Sharing their awe in the world, a world which is new to them of course.

Bit of a pain when you can’t get anywhere quickly because everything has to be examined; the bug on the pavement, the cat on the car bonnet, the dandelion growing out of concrete, the seeds from the sycamore, or even the odd dried dog poo. And they find endless delight in the clusters of city pigeons that strut around the benches in the precinct. They even find awe in their own feet sometimes.

Boring to us it may be, yet it’s all new stuff to learn about when you’re new to the world yourself!

Sometimes having small kids can even reignite your own awe in the everyday things we adults take for granted. That’s one of the wonderful things about having your kids around you – they make even you take notice of the little things. When you really examine the colours on a pigeon you find the most extraordinary iridescence.

If we’re not careful we can take this for granted. And overlook the essential part all this plays in our children’s education.

For this observation is a basis for educating – observational skills are valuable learning skills. Observation helps build knowledge of the world. Observational skills are as essential as all those other skills you equate with education like reading, writing and sums, which are really only a small part of the whole range of skills a person needs to become educated.

To become educated, and to fulfil the whole reason for education if you look at it beyond just gaining grades, children need to be equipped with the skills they need to live in that world. They need to look at it to learn about it, understand it, interact with it, care for it, take responsibility for it – starting with oneself, and work out how to make a contribution.

And all this starts with observation. It starts right back with you taking ages to get to the shop because you have to examine all these tiny parts of their world on your journey. Talk about them, point things out, answer questions about them.

Giving time to doing that helps encourage their awe in their world, helps keep it fresh, helps keep them interested and if they’re interested they’re learning.

It’s worth giving the time to what you think are irritating insignificances because while you’re being irritated by the constant stopping and observing, your child is learning and adding to their understanding and therefore their education.

That takes time.

It only takes ten minutes or so for them to learn how to add up. A complete and valid education takes a lifetime – a lifetime of awe in their world. Just like Newton was awed by the fact the apple fell down not up. What discoveries might your child make just through their observations of the world around them?

So, slow down, take as many moments as you can to foster and nurture that awe and observe the world. Who knows what it might lead to!

Not saying ‘love you’…

Her first Uni year is coming to an end. She is anxious.

I took a liberty, usually only afforded to mums of little ones; I reached out across the settee and touched her hair. Twiddled the long shank of curl round my finger in an affectionate gesture.

I just wanted to offer comfort. And you can’t swaddle up big people like you can when they’re little and hurts are easily healed by hugs on lap. It doesn’t work any more; not just because they’re big but because they don’t want it in the same way.

I was expecting “Get off!”

Instead, she turned to look at me and softened her Ipad eyes into love. She put the screen aside and laid her head down on my knee, lifting legs up. She’s too tall to stretch out on the settee now – there was a time when she could only just see over it. She quietly melted.

We stayed like that a while. I stroked her hair.

It’s not saying ‘love you’ all the time that tells them how much they are loved. It’s those gestures that pass between you, at whatever age, which truly tell it all.

Sophia’s Choice

To read my post today I’m redirecting you to the brilliant website ‘Sophia’s Choice’ managed by the lovely Charlie Hughes.

She writes about natural, organic ideas and choices for parents and families and she invited me to write a guest post for her site about home educating and how parents of school-going children can learn from our approaches too!

So do pop across and have a read;

http://sophiaschoiceuk.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/ever-thought-about-home-education-ross.html